fuckingpunchmeintheface:

me: hey can you watch the kids
gf: what?
me: *nuts in her eye*

(via hijerking)

bamhbies:

sugar daddies where ya at?? I need money for cute lingerie and tattoos and shit. message me pls. you’ll get nothing in return.

(via surprisebitch)

gold:

i was at work today serving a family of 4 and I could hear the mother and father making homophobic comments about me behind my back because of the way I look but the joke’s on them because when I opened up Grindr and their son popped up on it so now i’m talking to him and he wants to take me on a date

(via cravings)

metaphoric-breaths:

Do you ever get so bored that you’re like I guess I’ll masturbate

(via be-haaappyy)